At about 9pm on Sunday 27th April 2008, I started to have painful contractions, about 20 mins apart. After two weeks of regular Braxton hicks and stop/start contractions, I wasn’t sure if it was the real thing as all the pain was in my back and I knew the baby was in a good position so thought maybe he was just messing about again!
The contractions became stronger and more regular and by midnight, I was having to breathe through them. I still worried it was a false alarm so didn’t phone my mum until 1.30am – she then drove down to be with my daughter, upstairs, which was lucky as she woke up at about 3am and didn’t go back to sleep! I rang the on-call Midwife who advised me to rest and call her back if things picked up. By 2am, contractions were about 2-3mins apart - my husband, Phil, was filling the birth pool and rubbing my back through the pains – so I phoned the Midwife again, to be told she was busy and would ring back in 5 mins. An hour later, she hadn’t phoned. I rang back as really wanted to use the pool for pain relief by then and was told again that she’d call in 5 mins.
My mum arrived (with a travel kettle so she didn’t disturb us by coming downstairs!) and Chloe woke up soon afterwards. I went up to reassure her that everything was ok and she was so excited she just kept asking ‘is it really happening?’ She wanted to have long conversations with me about where she was going to have breakfast, which wasn’t easy with contractions a minute apart, but she was very happy to cuddle up and read stories with Grandma so I left them to it.
After 45 mins, the MW finally rang back – she said she’d be here in 20 mins so we didn't expect her to show up until about a week after the birth - we weren’t convinced about her timekeeping by now! She arrived at 5am and promptly told me I was only 3cms dilated – I could have cried!
I couldn’t believe how painful my back was and couldn’t bear the thought of another 7 hours of it getting worse. I got into the pool anyway, and listened to a relaxation CD. An hour later she checked me again – I’d been moving around and squatting a lot in the pool so was hoping for quick progress, but she told me I was 4cms – then added ‘and a half’ when she saw my face! I was really upset and wasn’t sure what to do – she suggested trying gas and air but I didn’t want to use it as I thought I still had such a long way to go, so I carried on moving in the pool or getting Phil to rub my back while breathing.
The Midwife was actually asking questions about our holidays while I was trying to concentrate, and checking things like my temperature during contractions, so I was delighted at 7.30am when it was the end of her shift! She helpfully told the new Midwife and the student with her that it would be ages before anything happened, and left at 8am.
Almost as soon as she shut the door I had a huge show and a couple of really intense contractions on top of each other. I had a few minutes on my own in the bathroom which really helped me to get my head together. I began talking to my baby boy, asking him to work with me and telling him I couldn't wait to meet him. Then I got back in the pool and asked for the gas and air. I was totally spaced out, which wasn't what I'd wanted and I'd hoped to manage without the gas and air at all, but as it was such an intense labour, it really helped me to calm down and stop panicking.
Suddenly I had a really strange feeling, like my head cleared and I knew exactly what was going on. I told the Midwife it wouldn’t be long, and started feeling my body pushing – the Midwife and student were brilliant – really positive and supportive but hands-off, exactly as we’d asked. The Midwife was on the phone requesting a second Midwife for the delivery when I suddenly felt his head crowning – so she said ‘nevermind!’ and hung up!
Then I just had this overwhelming sense that my body knew what to do and that things would be fine – I felt him crowning but it didn’t hurt, it was just an awareness of what was happening. At 8.39am I delivered him into my hands under the water. I lifted him up to the surface and couldn’t believe how tiny and how loud he was!
I stayed in the pool, both the baby and I were crying our eyes out! Then I sat on the edge of the pool to deliver the placenta while our little boy had his first breastfeed and finally got out so we could snuggle up for a bit. Phil and I sat with him for ages deciding on his name and counting his fingers and toes, while the Midwives filled in their notes. Then he was weighed (8lbs 5oz!) and I was examined – I had two 2nd degree tears but they decided I didn’t really need stitches – and then we went upstairs to bed.
Phil emptied the pool with a hose siphon and buckets in about half an hour and by the time his parents arrived in the afternoon, the house was totally back to normal! It was so lovely being at home and feeling so in control of the whole thing – if we’re lucky enough to have anymore babies I think we’d definitely opt for another homebirth, it was just so relaxing!
Saturday, 13 November 2010
My first birth: Chloe Elizabeth
I was eighteen when I gave birth to my daughter, Chloe Elizabeth. I had not discussed the birth in any great detail and although I had read many articles and books, these tended to be fairly mainstream and medically oriented. I did not consider a homebirth as I felt I wasn’t confident enough and I knew that I could not depend on support from my then partner, who had made it very clear that he would not intervene for me or even speak when medical staff were present. My confidence was particularly low at this point, and I chose to give birth in my local hospital maternity unit, with the option to transfer to a much larger hospital if necessary.
My daughter was due on June 12th, and I was due to sit an exam on this day. Throughout my pregnancy, I had spoken to my baby and explained that she was welcome and loved but that it would be really helpful if she could wait a day or two beyond her due date! She listened... After the exam, I had lunch with my mother. Perhaps for the first time in my pregnancy, we discussed the future and I felt relaxed and calm knowing that my exam had gone well and that my baby would soon arrive. I had no signs of labour and thought that perhaps I would be able to enjoy a couple of weeks of pregnancy without the worry of studying hanging over me.
That evening, while on the phone to my sister, my waters broke suddenly. I was shocked by the suddenness of it, having had no warning whatsoever, and after speaking with my midwife, I went to the hospital for a check-up. I was monitored briefly and warned that it could take a while for labour to establish, and advised to try to sleep. Returning home, my partner watched television and I tried to sleep, and my contractions started. As my contractions became more regular, I suddenly felt very insecure and unprepared. On contacting my midwife, I was advised that I should try to rest. I tried to have a bath but the pain increased and I vomited, I believe as a result of fear.
My contractions were short, buzzing pulses, close together but not lasting for any length of time. At 3am, I contacted my mother, who drove my partner and I to the hospital. The midwife on duty was surprised that I was 3cm dilated already, and therefore I was ‘allowed’ to stay in the hospital. I felt very fragile and afraid and was grateful that I didn’t have to return home again. I was offered a bath for pain relief and although I had never considered a water birth, I immediately realised that I wanted to stay in the water until my baby arrived.
I was offered various pain relief options and decided to use Entenox, which stabilised my panic and allowed me to focus on my body rather than my fears. I felt ready to push quite soon but was told not to be ridiculous (!). I was eventually checked, at my insistence, by a reluctant midwife who thought I would be only slightly further on that I had been at admission. To her surprise, but not mine, I was fully dilated and therefore was ‘allowed’ to push. I think I panicked at this point, I tried to keep focused – I had brought a baby shoe with me and tried to focus on this - but I feel that this stage was very ‘directed’ and I was unable to listen to my instincts. Throughout this time, my partner was encouraged by the midwives to support me, and tried to do so, but also expressed frustration with me, which further inhibited me.
The ‘second stage’ of labour lasted a very long time and the midwives repeatedly suggested that I get out of the water. I felt certain that I would be unable to cope without the water for pain relief and insisted on staying in the bath, alternately lying on my back and being on all fours. I suspect that if the bath had been bigger, I could have moved into other positions which would have helped labour to progress more effectively. It was very difficult for me to maintain my perspective at this time and I felt that this stage would last forever. I was certain that I would be unable to make any progress and give birth to my baby.
Eventually the baby started to crown and I expected her arrival to be imminent, but was further confused and frustrated when her head moved back and forth for what felt like a long time. I hadn’t expected this, so felt very out of control at this point. When her head crowned fully, her body followed very quickly. I was on all fours at this point and the midwife explained that she would pass her under the water through my legs so that I could lift her, but I was so exhausted and confused that I turned around, almost kicking her! I sat upright, and she was placed on my chest.
The cord was cut quite quickly, although I had not wanted it to be, but I didn’t notice as I was so overwhelmed by my tiny slippery girl. I held her and kissed her and she was wrapped in a towel while the placenta was delivered. The pool was drained, removing the water which was my pain relief, and I was given syntometrine. The midwife pulled very hard on the cord and the placenta came away very painfully. This stage felt so brutal to me that I refused the stitches that were recommended for my second degree tear.
I breastfed Chloe soon after her birth and spent a couple of days in the hospital with her, being told off by midwives for having her in the bed with me! When I introduced her to my family, they immediately bonded with her and my mother was extremely supportive and helpful, having been a breastfeeding counsellor and attachment parent for many years. However, my early parenting experiences were coloured by the feeling that I had to prove myself capable, and I didn’t admit how powerless this birthing experience had made me feel for a number of years.
My daughter was due on June 12th, and I was due to sit an exam on this day. Throughout my pregnancy, I had spoken to my baby and explained that she was welcome and loved but that it would be really helpful if she could wait a day or two beyond her due date! She listened... After the exam, I had lunch with my mother. Perhaps for the first time in my pregnancy, we discussed the future and I felt relaxed and calm knowing that my exam had gone well and that my baby would soon arrive. I had no signs of labour and thought that perhaps I would be able to enjoy a couple of weeks of pregnancy without the worry of studying hanging over me.
That evening, while on the phone to my sister, my waters broke suddenly. I was shocked by the suddenness of it, having had no warning whatsoever, and after speaking with my midwife, I went to the hospital for a check-up. I was monitored briefly and warned that it could take a while for labour to establish, and advised to try to sleep. Returning home, my partner watched television and I tried to sleep, and my contractions started. As my contractions became more regular, I suddenly felt very insecure and unprepared. On contacting my midwife, I was advised that I should try to rest. I tried to have a bath but the pain increased and I vomited, I believe as a result of fear.
My contractions were short, buzzing pulses, close together but not lasting for any length of time. At 3am, I contacted my mother, who drove my partner and I to the hospital. The midwife on duty was surprised that I was 3cm dilated already, and therefore I was ‘allowed’ to stay in the hospital. I felt very fragile and afraid and was grateful that I didn’t have to return home again. I was offered a bath for pain relief and although I had never considered a water birth, I immediately realised that I wanted to stay in the water until my baby arrived.
I was offered various pain relief options and decided to use Entenox, which stabilised my panic and allowed me to focus on my body rather than my fears. I felt ready to push quite soon but was told not to be ridiculous (!). I was eventually checked, at my insistence, by a reluctant midwife who thought I would be only slightly further on that I had been at admission. To her surprise, but not mine, I was fully dilated and therefore was ‘allowed’ to push. I think I panicked at this point, I tried to keep focused – I had brought a baby shoe with me and tried to focus on this - but I feel that this stage was very ‘directed’ and I was unable to listen to my instincts. Throughout this time, my partner was encouraged by the midwives to support me, and tried to do so, but also expressed frustration with me, which further inhibited me.
The ‘second stage’ of labour lasted a very long time and the midwives repeatedly suggested that I get out of the water. I felt certain that I would be unable to cope without the water for pain relief and insisted on staying in the bath, alternately lying on my back and being on all fours. I suspect that if the bath had been bigger, I could have moved into other positions which would have helped labour to progress more effectively. It was very difficult for me to maintain my perspective at this time and I felt that this stage would last forever. I was certain that I would be unable to make any progress and give birth to my baby.
Eventually the baby started to crown and I expected her arrival to be imminent, but was further confused and frustrated when her head moved back and forth for what felt like a long time. I hadn’t expected this, so felt very out of control at this point. When her head crowned fully, her body followed very quickly. I was on all fours at this point and the midwife explained that she would pass her under the water through my legs so that I could lift her, but I was so exhausted and confused that I turned around, almost kicking her! I sat upright, and she was placed on my chest.
The cord was cut quite quickly, although I had not wanted it to be, but I didn’t notice as I was so overwhelmed by my tiny slippery girl. I held her and kissed her and she was wrapped in a towel while the placenta was delivered. The pool was drained, removing the water which was my pain relief, and I was given syntometrine. The midwife pulled very hard on the cord and the placenta came away very painfully. This stage felt so brutal to me that I refused the stitches that were recommended for my second degree tear.
I breastfed Chloe soon after her birth and spent a couple of days in the hospital with her, being told off by midwives for having her in the bed with me! When I introduced her to my family, they immediately bonded with her and my mother was extremely supportive and helpful, having been a breastfeeding counsellor and attachment parent for many years. However, my early parenting experiences were coloured by the feeling that I had to prove myself capable, and I didn’t admit how powerless this birthing experience had made me feel for a number of years.
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